how to become more enthusiastic?

Everybody wishes that he had a pill that could relieve him from neck-breaking tensions of the modern civilization which leave a person drained and exhausted. But life is not that easy. We can’t succeed at anything unless we proceed ahead and conquer the obstacles with constant trying. Every field has become highly competitive. To reach your goal you have to pass through more than one tough competitions. The biggest challenge before a person today is to keep himself relaxed and full of energy. At least you can follow some tested and tried techniques that have changed the lives of millions of people all over the world.
SOVE YOUR PROBLEMS
Unsolved problems become a burden on our mind. Under their weight we become tensed and lose enthusiasm to work hard for success. You can’t solve the problems by just thinking or sleeping over them and doing nothing. So first step should be to find out the ways to solve a particular problem. Write down the solutions and apply them. Certain problems can also be discussed with your friends and well-wishers who may suggest some new ideas to face them successfully. You can also take the help of universal solution bank of your subconscious mind. In case you are unable to tackle some of the problems then leave them and proceed ahead in life.
USE YOUR MENTAL ENERGY
Accumulation of unused energy of our mind causes tension. If we use this energy it becomes our power otherwise it may work for our destruction. Due to unused energy many times you feel strain on mind although you may not be having any serious problem at that time. Even small matters start a vicious circle causing headache and heartburn. If you learn to use that energy you learn a wonderful art of relaxation and progress. It will improve your personality power.
One of the best ways to use that excess energy is action and exercise. Be active always and keep doing some work. If you can do a creative work that will give you more satisfaction. Regular exercise not only relaxes you but makes you healthy also. You know a healthy mind generally lives in a healthy body. If you are unable to take interest in any exercise then play outdoor games.
FUN OF TRAVELLING
Have you ever seen a small child sitting in a train, bus or a car and looking outside a window with a curious joy on its face? Changes and new things enthuse the emotions of a person with joy. Tension rarely crushes a person who often travels or likes action. Therefore wise businessmen spare time every year to enjoy travelling. Thrills of change and action recharge them with new energy and new ideas.
MEDITATION – THE BEST MEDICINE
Most of the wise persons of this world are including meditation in their daily regimen. Meditation is like a small harmless pill capable of doing miracles. It ensures good health, relaxation, progress and power of having a control over things. What else do you need in your life?
It is also true that you need regular practice to master over the art of meditation. Start it in an easy way and gradually develop your own good technique. In the beginning just spare 10 to 15 minutes at night, specially before going to bed. Sit on a comfortable chair or sofa, close your eyes. Focus your attention on the process of inhaling and exhaling. Then try to concentrate towards the superpower of this universe. After establishing a communication with God say your wishes.

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funniest joke part 3

35                     1035 ratings	I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. (Steven Wright)
36                     954 ratings	Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."
37                     1019 ratings	My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)
38                     1239 ratings	China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)
39                     1274 ratings	Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."
40                     1251 ratings	I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)
41                     657 ratings	A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O’Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I’m telling everybody!"
42                     507 ratings	Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says "Your money or your life!" An extremely long silence follows. "Your money or your life!" the thug repeats. Finally Benny says "I’m thinking!"
43                     742 ratings	At a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said "Mr. President, I made a bet I can get more than two words out of you." He replied: "You lose."
44                     859 ratings	I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why. (Redd Foxx)
45                     968 ratings	A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
46                     909 ratings	I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said: "What do you need?" (Steven Wright)
47                     1086 ratings	I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough... (Brian Kiley)
48                     833 ratings	After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.. He said, "No hablo ingles." (Ronnie Shakes)
49                     700 ratings	Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot. (Ellen Degeneres)
50                     578 ratings	I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was that?!" (Jack Handey)
51                     699 ratings	An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am" and yells back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"
52                     669 ratings	I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said "No, I'm just looking." (George Miller)
53                     806 ratings	I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. (Rodney Dangerfield)
54                     692 ratings	A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
55                     912 ratings	I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. (Henny Youngman)
56                     696 ratings	A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?"
57                     533 ratings	I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now." (Rodney Dangerfield)
58                     668 ratings	The only thing I know about Africa is that it's far, far away. About a thirty-five hour flight. The boat ride's so long, there are still slaves on their way here. (Chris Rock)
59                     580 ratings	A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the priest that he can't be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is. "I promised not to tell!" he says. "Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the preist asks. "No, and I said I wouldn't tell." "Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?" "No, and I still won't tell!" 'Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?" "No," says the boy. 'Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months." Outside, the boy's friends ask what happened. "Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."
60                     596 ratings	I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. (Steven Wright)
61                     537 ratings	There’s always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I’d fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. (Larry Miller)
62                     521 ratings	The guy who shot Robert Kennedy, Sirhan Sirhan, goes up for parole every year. Once he even told the parole board that if Kennedy was alive today, he would speak in his favor and say let him go. What a tough break, you know? The one guy who would have supported him, and he shot him. (Paula Poundstone)
63                     566 ratings	When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter. (Emo Philips)
64                     560 ratings	I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their Mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass I can see old ladies on the phone. They’ve already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong. (Chris Rock)
65                     787 ratings	Two snowmen are standing in a meadow. One snowman turns to the other and says, "Do you smell carrots?"
66                     657 ratings	I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive. (Steven Wright)
67                     529 ratings	A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."
68                     519 ratings	I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for member. (Groucho Marx)
69                     1099 ratings	A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, "How did you get such a huge orange head?" The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, I'll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire...what is your first wish?' I said, I'd like all the money I could ever spend.' The genie went Poof!', and there it was, all the money I could ever spend. Then he said, What is your second wish?' I said, I'd like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.' The genie went Poof!', and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. Then the genie said, And what is your third wish?'...and I think this is where I went wrong...I said, I'd like a huge orange head.'"
70                     526 ratings	Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. (George Burns)

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most funniest joke part 2

11                     2955 ratings	A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
12                     3256 ratings	Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
13                     4306 ratings	A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
14                     2175 ratings	My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (Jackie Mason)
15                     1534 ratings	A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
16                     1309 ratings	I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!" (Rodney Dangerfield)
17                     1470 ratings	I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead. (Laura Kightlinger)
18                     2103 ratings	Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-fucking-believable!"
19                     1564 ratings	I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well... are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist" "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off. (Emo Philips)
20                     2459 ratings	A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
21                     1379 ratings	They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona. (Bob Hope/Gene Perret)
22                     1332 ratings	A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never receievd oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"
23                     946 ratings	A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?" (Henny Youngman)
24                     772 ratings	Last time I was down South, I was in a restaurant and ordered some chicken, and these three cousins, you know the ones I mean, Klu, Kluck and Klan, come up and say "Boy, we’re givin’ you fair warnin’. Anything you do to that chicken, we’re gonna do to you." So I put down my knife and fork, and I picked up that chicken, and I kissed it. (Dick Gregory)
25                     1044 ratings	Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" (Steven Wright)
26                     1634 ratings	TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. (Jerry Seinfeld)
27                     1856 ratings	Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
28                     1455 ratings	I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)
29                     1582 ratings	Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?"
30                     1243 ratings	A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t see the email."
31                     879 ratings	I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio… (Bill Braudis)
32                     1649 ratings	I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again. (David Brenner)
33                     1120 ratings	My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners! (Sarah Silverman)
34                     842 ratings	A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!" (Myron Cohen)

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most funniest jokes part 1

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"	Now Available as a swanky gift book! If you like this list, you'll love a book containing many of the same jokes, plus others. "Mandatory guy book" -- Amazon.com become a fan on Facebook Twitter this list! Great Joke Sources and Humor Classics: <iframe src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=bluedonutcom-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1&asins=0446532681&fc1=000000&=1&lc1=0000ff&bc1=000000&lt1=_blank&IS2=1&f=ifr&bg1=ffffff&f=ifr" width="120" height="240" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0"> <iframe src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=bluedonutcom-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1&asins=B00005OLCK&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&lc1=0000ff&bc1=000000&bg1=ffffff&f=ifr" style="width:120px;height:240px;" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0"> Monty Python's "Funniest Joke in the World" Sketch text here: "Funniest Joke in the World" Bill Hicks' censored Letterman set Woody Allen: The Moose Steven Wright's Carson debut George Carlin Baseball vs. Football "World's Funniest Joke" research "Broken" jokes Aristocrats movie site Aristocrats joke versions This is a Wordle word cloud representing the words used most in jokes on this page:
2                     9282 ratings		Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
3                     8029 ratings		A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
4                     5866 ratings		It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
5                     3234 ratings		Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."
6                     3492 ratings		A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
7                     2765 ratings		Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
8                     2453 ratings		A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
9                     3740 ratings		On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
10                     2926 ratings		A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

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how to be faithful in marriage?

You've taken the plunge and made the biggest commitment of your life. But statistics show that in the US, almost half of all marriages end in divorce,^[1] and one of the leading causes is marital infidelity.^[2] Whether you're married or a partner in a committed relationship, being faithful isn't always easy - but if you commit to being a faithful spouse or partner, you can do it.

Edit Steps

1. 1
   

   Remember why...
   Agree upon trusting one another. Once you have taken your vows, don't do anything to break that trust. You have both taken vows to be faithful in every way to one another. Now it's time to believe in one another and trust your partner. Suspicion and doubt don't cause a spouse to cheat, but if one spouse exhibits high degrees of any of these to the other, it spells trouble for the relationship. Set reasonable boundaries and stay within them - this fosters trust, and the longer you each stay within the boundaries you have agreed on, the more trust you will build as time goes on.
   
   

   
   
   • Your behavior early on will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. If you set a tone of faith, trust, and belief in one another and give each other a real sense that your relationship is solid and unshakable, it will be a great comfort to you and help you through difficult times. If you prove yourself worthy of his/her trust today, in ten years if someone accuses you of something, he/she will dismiss it, knowing that you would never betray him/her because of your history together.
   • On the other hand, if you do something that you should not have done, you can't expect your spouse to trust you totally. You have put doubt in his/her mind, and that has made him/her insecure. The only way to correct that is to do everything in your power (through real actions) to show him/her that they can trust you.
2. 2
   

   You've both made a choice to be a team in the world now
   Accept the fact that you are no longer single. No, you may not come and go as you please, no matter how much that may rankle. You have a responsibility to your spouse or partner now, and the sooner you accept it, the fewer fights and arguments you'll have. Acting as if you are free and accountable to no one will pretty much ensure that you will be single again - soon. Instead, keep in mind your love for your spouse and the love your spouse has for you, your commitment and your vows. Examples:
   • If you agree upon something do exactly that. Don't change it unless absolutely necessary, preferably due to circumstances you cannot control. If this happens, call and notify your spouse of the change immediately - don't wait till he or she is worried or angry.
   • Though "checking in" or reporting changes in plans may rub you the wrong way, learn that you must sacrifice some things if you are to be successful as a team – remember that this helps your spouse to keep the trust she or he has in you. Being accountable to your spouse helps keep you close, and that helps build fidelity and faith.
3. 3
   

   Trust in love is never about control
   Understand that your spouse is not attempting to put you on a leash. It's simply a matter of honoring your commitment, and of letting your spouse know when to start worrying. If you didn't want to be cared about or be responsible to someone else, you shouldn't have married.
4. 4
   

   Wear your wedding ring at all times.
   Wear your wedding ring at all times. Avoid taking the ring off in most situations, even if your friends tell you to. Some exceptions are when playing sport, washing the dishes or if it could be damaged or cause you injury on the job. Do remember to put it back on straight away!
   • Leaving your ring on sends a clear signal to everyone else outside of your union. It reminds you that you are "taken" and most people will know better than to trespass.
   • If someone fails to heed the sign of your ring, show it to them close up and be sure they know it means you really are married and that you're not interested in flirting at all. If presenting your ring and clearly stating you're married and happily so doesn't work, and that person continues to pursue you, stop contact with that person at once, if possible. (If it's your brother's wife, you may have a tough time doing that, but limit contact to groups and never be alone with her. If she manages to isolate you from the rest of the family, extricate yourself quickly - kindly if possible, but rudely if necessary. In any case, be utterly clear.)
5. 5
   

   Thoughtful gestures count, big or small.
   Nourish your intimacy with your spouse. If either of you is experiencing problems with intimacy, talk it through – and the earlier, the better. Being intimate through loving gestures, hugs, kisses and sexual relations is a vital part of keeping the two of you bonded.^[3] Even daily sweet nothings whispered to one another and praise for the things you love about one another on a regular basis are guaranteed ways to keep the fires burning and the original memories of why you fell for each other truly alive.
6. 6
   

   Don't give your spouse cause for doubting you.
   Don't stir up trouble where there isn't any. Doing hurtful things to see how your spouse will react is a bad idea. The problem is that testing your spouse's reaction to flirting or paying other people too much attention creates a climate of doubts about your honesty, and introduces anxiety and turbulence. Don't pick fights just to see what she/he'll say or do.
7. 7
   

   Avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.
   Avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing. If you meet with someone who tries to come on to you and maybe even who is attractive to you, don't panic. Simply show no interest and say it clearly to that person. Explain that you're very happy in your marriage and have no intention of straying. Say exactly those words. Then excuse yourself and go someplace where there are other people around. Don't allow yourself to be cornered by that person again.
   • Don't get yourself into any situation where even a whiff of lust is near. It's natural to find yourself attracted to others, even people other than your spouse. But don't allow yourself to be alone with anyone like this, and don't go out of your way to see him or her. Don't daydream or email, don't entertain the notion of being with someone else - unless it's someone like Katy Perry or Ryan Reynolds. Someone unattainable is a silly crush (still, you shouldn't obsess over a crush like this to the detriment of your marriage). Someone at work, or at a party (i.e., in the same room with you) is a threat to your happy marriage.
   • Have an escape plan. For example, consider that if a certain person who attracts you comes near you, that you'll head for the bathroom and then perhaps another group of people - or even head home.^[4]
8. 8
   

   Er, flattering but I'm married, so no thanks!
   Tell any person who tries to lure you into an entanglement with them that you're not interested, period. Don't give a half-hearted "Gee, I'm really attracted to you, but I'm married" response. This sends a wrong message - it says, "If only my stupid spouse weren't in the way, then you and I could hook up." Anyone who knows you're married and persists in coming on to you will not hesitate to run over your spouse if she/he thinks you're at all interested. What matters is that you are married, and your commitment is to your partner or spouse. Put your foot down hard and walk away, leaving no room for doubt or hope. Don't worry about letting him or her down easy.
   • People who try to encourage a person to dally with them knowing full well that the other person is married are often very unhappy people, and they don't care to see anyone else happy. Ask yourself this question: "Why isn't there someone special in their life?" Often it's because they are simply not happy to be happy. Remember that if they don't mind harming your marriage, they won't be hanging around after the thrill of being with you wears off.
9. 9
   

   I'd like you to meet my darling husband!
   Take your spouse with you. If you know you'll be in a situation where you can't avoid a person who keeps coming on to you, take your spouse along. Knowing your partner is watching will keep you in line, and hopefully will deter any questionable acts on the part of the other person.
10. 10
    

    If you're in too deep, get out!
    Leave the situation. It doesn't matter whether it's a job or a circle of friends. If you've tried your best to put the stops on the interest someone has in you - and worse yet, if you have started to return those feelings, you have to leave the situation immediately. If it's work related, either request a transfer or request that the other person be transferred, because it's endangering your marriage. If it's a circle of friends, stop hanging with the friends where you keep meeting this person. Don't moan and complain - remember, your goal is that 40th wedding anniversary, and beyond. No job, no chick or dude, no amount of ego boosting is worth destroying your chance at that. Remember: a few moments of pleasure are not worth discarding a lifetime of happiness with that special someone.
11. 11
    

    Romance your spouse, not your workplace
    Stay home. Studies have shown that men who cheat start spending time away from home, such as working late at the office, going out for drinks after work, etc.^[5] Curtail this habit – bring the work home with you, schedule dial-in discussions with other workmates after hours using video conferencing on your broadband and take your spouse out to dinner instead of your colleagues.
12. 12
    

    Romantic vacations don't end when the children arrive!
    Make plans for your future together and revise these plans regularly. Be sure to not only plan, but to also do the exciting and amazing things you have planned together. Shake things up now and then and do things neither of you have done before. Go to places together that thrill and excite you, do things together that scare and awaken you and throw in unexpected treats, outings and surprises for one another here, there and everywhere.
    • When the children come, be sure to keep your spouse as number one priority. You can love your children absolutely without forsaking your love for your spouse. There has been a tendency in our current child-obsessed culture (partially, it's about hanging onto one's own childhood) to put the children's interests before the spousal love life. That's unbalanced and will end up exhausting everyone's limits, smothered children included. Be a loving role model for your children so that they grow up seeing parents whose love for one another and mutual respect endures throughout all the messy diapers, bossy tweens and curfew-breaking teens!
13. 13
    Communicate! If you are felling pushed away, due to lack of attention or contribution. Communicate those feelings to your spouse. They may even be feeling the same way and most relationships that I have seen turn into a disloyal one because of lack of communication. One of the partners will find support to their emotions in another person who will listen. This can lead to a bad mistake which will have to be worked out later. If we can avoid this all together then temptation to stray will be less likely.

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how to be fresh?

Okay so we know that waking up and doing things in the morning is the best way to achieve our goals in life. We can exercise, study, work, meditate, etc. much better than other times in the day. However, most of us feel pretty crap in the morning.
So what can we do about it? How can we wake up ready for work?

Ways to wake up feeling fresh in the morning

Here are some things you can do in the short term and the long term so that you will wake up fresh and energetic in the morning. I’ve divided them up into three sections; (1) the night before and (2) during the night and (3) the morning.

The Night Before

1. Avoid coffee, red wine and chocolate the night before
To wake up fresh you need to get a good sleep and one of the best ways to ruin a good sleep is to upset your gut. You really need to keep it happy during the night.

Coffee, red wine and chocolate have been scientifically shown to disturb your sleep more than any other food. They upset your intestines in such a way that you will wake up constantly or have a very light sleep that doesn’t re charge you at all. Try not to have these things after lunch time.
2. Go to bed happy with your partner
One of the best ways to get a terrible sleep is to go to bed before you solve a problem with your partner. In my relationship I never let the sun set on an argument, even if I have to compromise a little bit on my own ego.
Before you go to bed make sure your partner is happy (as much as you can) and make sure that you are happy with them. It is also one of the best things you can do for your relationship, let alone your sleep.
3. Meditate, pray and calm down before going to bed
Every night before I go to bed I do about 30 minutes to an hour of meditation. This is amazing as it allows you to throw out all the days worries and forget about the worries of tomorrow. The future cannot be changed while you are asleep and the past is gone so there is no point losing sleep over it! Let it go.
Meditate or pray or do whatever you do. Simply sitting there and watching your breath is a great way to prepare yourself for a nice deep sleep. Check out this post if you want to learn to do a quick little stress relieving meditation.
4. Don’t eat dinner right before bed
A lot of people run home after work, cook up some dinner and then eat it and go to bed. This is a bad idea. The process of digestion takes a while and you do not want to be laying down right after you ate a big meal. Try and leave a few hours in between your bedtime and your dinner and see how you feel the next day.
5. Organize your room according to Feng Shui principles
I know a lot of you probably think that Feng Shui is a load of bull but just give me a second to convince you that it actually has some “western logic” behind it.
For those of you who don’t know Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese art of setting up your home in a way that balances the energies and vibes by putting furniture in certain “hot spots”.
The bedroom is particularly important and I have found that since I arranged my room according to Feng Shui principles I have had a much more “rested” sleep. In particular the placement of your bed is important. Feng Shui tells us that you should sleep where you can see the door but not be in he direct path of the door opening. This helps us sleep with a sense of security. I can see the practical reason for this. You can get some more bedroom Feng Shui tips here.
6. Go to the toilet
Even if you do not need to go to the toilet before bed you should still have a go and squeeze out whatever you can. The reason for this is that the kidneys will continue to work during the night and by the morning your bladder will be nice and full. If your bladder fills up early you might feel the need to go during the night and this cuts out valuable time from your sleep.
You might think that sleeping is about the total time spent asleep but this is incorrect. It is important to stay asleep without breaking it because it takes some hours to get into the “zone” where you are truly at rest. A toilet break interrupts this zone.

During the Night

7. Not too hot, not too cold
Another sleep related tip: your sleep is greatly affected by the how hot or cold you are during the night. It is important to get a good balance as this keep your energies calm and stops them from spiking.
Try and find a balance between clothes and bed covers. For example, I like to sleep without any clothes but with a heavy blanket. This keeps my temperature pretty consistent.
8. Keep the window open
One of the best things you can do for your health in general and your sleep in specific is to keep your window slightly open during the night. This has two benefits.

photo credit: volvidejapon
Firstly, the gap in the window will allow poisonous carbon dioxide to float away. The reason the human body breathes out is because carbon dioxide is poisonous. And during the night you take a heck of a lot of breaths and your room fills up with this gas. Let it out the window.
The second reason is that you need to allow new oxygen to float in. This might also help you regulate the temperature of the room.
9. Keep your sleep consistent
People think that you MUST have eight hours sleep to get enough.
Not true.
It is more important to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time everyday. Not everyone needs eight hours. In fact, if I get eight hours sleep I usually feel tired and groggy for the entire day. Six to seven hours is about right for me.
Start by setting your bedtime at the same time each night. Forget what is on the television and just go to bed at say 11pm each night. After a while start setting your alarm for the same time each day; even on weekends. If you don’t start waking up fresher and happier each morning I will write you a personal apology.
10. Cut out noise, it’s actually killing you!
I recently read in New Scientist Magazine that your life is actually being shortened by noise during the night. Yep, that’s right… that screaming police car or roaring traffic is actually killing you! The magazine said that the noise has an effect on your heart and waking up many times during the night puts your body under a lot of stress.
Try and keep your room quiet by wearing some earplugs. You can get earplugs that only cancel out certain sounds so that you can still hear your alarm or a baby monitor on your bedside table.

The Morning

11. Drink a glass of water
A cool glass of water on an empty stomach actually has a lot of health benefits as well as serving to wake you up. The water will kick start your metabolism and as such you will wake up faster and feel more alert.
12. Exercise
When you are groggy in the morning and nice run in the fresh air can wake you up fast. However, the interesting thing is that when you exercise in the morning you will actually have more energy the NEXT day. The more you exercise the more energy you will have as you become fitter and healthier.
If you need some tips to get up and exercise early check out this post on early morning exercise hacks.
13. Don’t drink coffee… everyday
Science is now showing that our body becomes accustomed to the caffeine in our coffee and we have less of a reaction to it. This means that your daily cup of coffee is waking you up less and less every day that you drink it.
A better idea is to save the morning coffee for when you are really tired and need a little bit of help. Perhaps if you had to stay out late or get up extra early and you have disturbed your regular sleeping habit. This is the time to have a cup of coffee.
14. Breathe deeply
The first thing you should do in the morning is take some deep breaths into your stomach and concentrate on waking up. Imagine breathing in a bright white light that makes your body feel happy and light.
15. Have something to be excited about
If you get up and go to a job you hate to work with a boss that drives you crazy you are not going to really enjoy waking up. However, if you have something you enjoy to go to you will be more likely to wake up happy knowing you have a bit of joy coming your way.
If you can’t leave your terrible boss then you should make time in the morning to do some sport or activity that makes you happy. Start your day with something happy and fun as opposed to starting it with work.
16. Get up straight away
When I was in the Himalayas a buddhist master told me that one of the best things you can do to wake up early and feel alert and fresh is to get up straight away. As soon as your alarm goes off you should get up without snoozing it over and over again.
He said to me half jokingly: “You have to get up before your self cherishing does”.
17. Be grateful for not dying
The Buddha said that every time you go to bed you should consider that you won’t wake up. That way, when you wake up you will be especially grateful for the day you have ahead of you. Instead of seeing the day as a burden that you have to “get through” you will see it as an opportunity to do something meaningful and beneficial.
Why? Because you could die tonight.
When applied correctly this realization will bring you tremendous energy.

Conclusion on waking up freshly

Each of these tips works. I have tried it on myself and my friends. And the great thing is that the more of these tips you apply the fresher you will feel when you wake up. Try them yourself.
Do you have any other to add? I’d love to hear them!

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how to study?

How to Create Good Study Habits for Exams

 

Taking exams can lead to stress and anxiety if you have not studied during the year because you will find yourself cramming for each test and studying late into the night. With a little time management during the school year, you not only minimize stress at exam time, but maximize productivity and results.

1. Buy an extra notebook for each subject at the beginning of the year so that as you finish a chapter in class, you immediately write notes and summaries in that book. The classwork will still be fresh in your mind so at exam time you merely have to take the notebook home from school. Write down the key points you learned from each lesson onto a cue card. This helps your mind to retain the day's important facts. On the weekends look over the cue cards. Get your parents or friends to quiz you on them.
   
   
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2. 2
   Record your notes on a digital voice recorder or another device (you can also use your phone), listen to them in your spare time, listen to them as you would an audio book, concentrate on the words and try to memorize them as you hear them. Researchers also found that listening to sounds during sleep enhance memory. ^[1]
   
   
3. 3
   Learn how to make mind maps, cluster maps, PowerPoints and other memory aids. Mind maps are graphical illustrations of a subject and a great memory tool to use, especially during exams. These tools are great for flash-carding and memory-retrieving.
   
   
4. 4
   As soon as you finish a topic, take out a book from the library and read more information about the subject. Look up questions you had and try to clear any confusion that you possibly had while learning the topic. Take notes to refer back to them before and at test time.
   
   
5. 5
   Don't do rough drafts for essays. Just do the good copy straight away, but thoroughly as well. In an exam situation you won't have time to write out a whole draft copy, so practice writing out good copies straight away. Make sure the good copy is neat, punctuation and spelling are correct, and the information makes sense.
   
   
6. 6
   Make a timetable for exam days by marking the dates on a calendar, so you can be prepared by the time the test comes around.
   
   
7. 7
   Make a list of your classes and the topics covered in class. As you study a topic, mark it in a way that is meaningful to you, to remind you which topics have already been studied.
   
   
8. 8
   Set aside a study time each day when you are not too tired, or too hungry. If you are going to study for a long time, remember to take a break in between, preferably every 20 minutes or so.
   
   
9. 9
   Set up a study group. Study groups share notes, thoughts and ideas or how to solve or understand a particular problem. Be sure to honor the class rules on what work may or may not be done in groups.
   
   
10. 10
    Plan out 'trial' exams for yourself. All you have to do is redo one of your past tests or quizzes within a time limit. Get into the exam mode by clearing your work desk of everything except your paper and pen.
    
    
11. 11
    Plan for academic success and execute the plan with tenacity. Provided that you are healthy you should execute your plans whether you are feeling strong or weak, tired or energized, lazy or motivated, focused or distracted, discouraged or encouraged. Realize that it is up to you to make the moments in your hand count for something and don’t let your feelings trick you into being less than empowered.
    
    
12. 12
    Get enough sleep at night. It's harder to concentrate when you got less than six hours of sleep the night before. Aim for eight to ten hours of deep sleep to feel truly refreshed and ready for anything in the morning.
    
    
13. 13
    When choosing individual subjects to study, start with the least enjoyable or the most difficult subject. Master it, and you'll end up loving it. At the very least, you won't have to worry about putting it off until it's too late because you don't like it.
    
    
14. 14
    Follow a daily timetable, on the first day it will be a challenge; second day it will become a practice and the third day it will become a habit. It is a matter of conditioning yourself to a sustained work ethic that will facilitate peak performance in the sometimes intense academic arena.
    
    
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This video shows you how to study for exams.

Edit Tips

• During the exam, avoid blanks. Try as hard as you can to make an intelligent guess. Take the closest answer but remember not to take too much of your time in answering one item. Go back and review your answers after you finish the exam, if you still have time.
• Always have a positive attitude. Prepare for the worst and expect the best!
• Don't stress out, it makes your mind work slower.
• Don't panic on exam day. On the night before the exam, and in the morning, read through your notes a few times, then put them away.
• In the lead up to exams, try and get your hands on some exam papers for previous years. Doing these before the real exam will give you an idea as to what you'll be up against and will highlight anything you still need to revise.
• Avoid visiting any social-networking sites! It can be done after the exam.
• Mind your diet and don't drink alcohol.
• Don't panic if you have not studied well. Just think over the question and you might remember something the teacher taught you. After all, you are studying things that men/ women have discovered before without previous knowledge.
• Adopt passionately creative methods of memorizing related information using numbers, acronyms, mnemonic poems, wild stories and outlandish mental pictures to truly bring the material alive in a virtually unforgettable way.
• Make your own reviewer. Write your keywords in every topic and use different colors of ink for easy recognition. When you create your reviewer, use all the resources you have available. Make sure to personalize it so you can enjoy it!
• Don't waste valuable opportunities to better yourself by being lazy!
• Develop a positive attitude towards exams. If you are well prepared you'll walk into the exam room thinking "WOW! I can't wait to prove myself to these examiners, I'm gonna Ace this test, just to show them." Negative attitude: "Oooh, I'm so nervous. I hate exams; what's the point? I really don't feel up to this".
• Eat a healthy breakfast that day, so you feel energized, but don't eat so much that you feel full. Something to consider is a study that says males do better on tests if they are slightly hungry, and females do better on tests if they are slightly full. Again, don't overdo it.
• Allow yourself a few minutes to settle into a zone of intense concentration when approaching your reading or writing academic assignments.
• Reproduce the academic material from memory to monitor retention levels at regular intervals as a sort of self-testing mechanism.
• Research shows our focus can last about 45 minutes, so take a 20 minute power nap or relax your mind by listening to classical music.
• Ever heard this? "Good luck with your exam!" This is false hope, you shouldn't need a pint of luck to help you succeed,and if you DO need good luck, then you obviously haven't prepared enough.
• Have a balance in life, exams are simply a quick and lazy way to assess people. Don't panic, just study.
• Realize that you may need to internalize information actively to keep focused. This may be accomplished by following the text with a pencil and whispering the text to yourself to ensure that you are progressing during your study segments of time.
• If you suffer from exam stress then take a calming antidote, perhaps an herbal tea. Just don't overdose because it'll make you drowsy.
• Try and have all your study notes complete at least 2 weeks before the exam. This allows you plenty of time to work through past papers for revision and go over and re-read anything you're a bit hazy on.
• Find as many associations or ways to connect the new information which your brain is acquiring with the information which is already securely entrenched in your brain to foster cohesion in your arsenal of knowledge.
• Be relentlessly confident in yourself and your abilities!
• While some can be, most exams aren't really this big. Exams are really just large quizzes with a time limit. No big deal.
• You gain less by studying for exams at the last minute. One way to think about it is to start studying for the next exam as soon as you get the material, don't wait until a week before the test to start.
• Keep a glossary of any words belonging in an educated vocabulary and pertaining to your subject matter which you may be able to incorporate in formulating your exam responses.

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Edit Warnings

• If you have not prepared yourself for the test, during the term, and before the test, then expect to reap according to what you have sown.
• Mind blanks are possibly the most frightening things to occur in an exam. They can happen in any subject, but you can overcome them. The only way to overcome mind blanks is to relax the brain from its hysterical state. In the exam room, close your eyes, breathe in for 5 seconds and let it release through the mouth automatically. Repeat this until you can feel the facts crawling back into your memory.
• Too much study can be as bad as not enough study because the mind shuts down when too much information is crammed into it.
• Don't cheat. It is very dishonest and rude.
• Failing an exam can be a very traumatic, shameful and embarrassing experience even if you have other opportunities to redeem yourself so you should do your best to ensure that your mastery of an area of study is sufficient to enable you to pass with pride.

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